…meaning, ‘everything is fucked’.
I’m having a really hard time in school lately and it kinda sucks because it doesn’t seem to get better. Other than that I’m fed up with the teachers mentally eliminating students off their ‘potential graduate’ list. I’m prolly not on that list in any of the subjects. I just wish that everything would be like two years ago. Where focus, ambition and determination was 100% provided that there just couldn’t be the alternative to fail. Now that I am truyl aware and even consider that repeaing would always be the Plan B, it’s like, it would always help me not to totally break down. My mom has always been saying that as long as you are healthy, everything is alright. I do believe her but cman, mum, you’d be devastated if I wouldn’t be able to graduate at all. It’s all in my nature I guess, the fighting. I was born as a fighter and if I look at the situation now, I survived an asthma attac when I was 3 months old or something, then I might as well surivive school which is living hell. It’d be super super depressing having to repeat the graduation year again, but then again… you’ve come this far and not going to get through it, would be the most stupidest thing EVER! I mean, I’d hate being in that school a year longer, but then again, you’d be prepared for everything already. Now it’s like confusion all over the place. Fears are getting worse every month and that kind of dims the Christmasfeeling. After the Christmas holidays that’s when the graduates know, that the first semester will soon be over and the second will begin as well as the A-levels preparations. URGH! Either way, I’ll have to wait for the results and see from there. Apart from that, I won’t forget to smile =] it’s all in God’s hands what will happen to me in future. Probably he’s testing me again since I was born as a fighter and not a lover ;D
=] <3 don't forget to smile.