ON WANTING TO BE SAVED

ezzy, life

I thought being yourself in a relationship means, you can let yourself fall into the extremes of your worst-self and he will be there to catch you. Is that the case? Nah, and it never will be.

I always loved the romantic idea of someone saving me. Mostly, the idea of someone saving me from myself. But I have learned that no one can and will save me from myself or save me at all for the least because in real life, people cannot save you from being you and they most certainly cannot save you from your fears, weaknesses and shortcomings. I guess, the ‘saving’ in real life does not describe how your sig-oths keep on nodding their heads empathetically and giving you all the understanding you need. I guess, the ‘real’ saving in our reality is when someone calls you out for acting up, when they are brutally honest to you because they truly want the best for you and living in self-pity and self-doubt is not part of it. Their assignment isn’t being the sunshine in your forever cloudy days because you want them to be that. Their purpose in your life should be more about challenging you to be the best version of yourself and believe me, you should want that too. And I honestly always refused to let people challenge me in that way because I knew my strengths and my weaknesses and I didn’t need people to point it out for me. Most especially from someone who should know me and love me for who I am. And… look where that lead me *lol*.

Maybe ‘real’ saving starts with being selfless. The pain you encounter from the rejection for your selfish needs can be transformed into pain that strips you down from your walls and your pride. That kind of pain is what all of us need to encounter some day because it is that pain where He works in us. And who said that people can save you? Who said that relationships are no relationships when people don’t save one another?
Maybe ‘real’ saving starts when you admit that sometimes the blame isn’t on someone else, but you. Maybe ‘real’ saving starts with you.

But let me give you this advice: the most loving remedy for being selfish about your needs and wants and for having the urge to be saved is… love. Love in a selfless kind of way because you are saved by being someone who saves.

d.f.t.s., Ezzy

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