CAUTION: this post contains 100% bluntness and honesty.
Twenty-fifteen was a year that felt like a longass (excuse my language) marathon! Nevertheless, I knew I needed it: the ups, the downs, the challenges, the successes, the hurts, the love as well as the losses and the blessings. Even though the year started off very tough and emotionally challenging, I wouldn’t change it for anything because it has truly made me stronger. There were a lot of times where I had to put all my energy into fighting off my flaws through accepting and understanding. There were dozens of moments where I had to humble myself and truly remind myself that the world doesn’t revolve around me. And the moments which I am most grateful for are the ones when I started to learn to value myself more. And learned that I truly matter and therefore must not settle for anything less than I deserve. It’s been a hurtful experience stripping everything off and letting go of things that held me back from genuinely being my Self, but just looking back, it was worth the pain and the tears. There were a few moments this year, that made twenty-fifteen immensely memorable to me, and I’d like to share them with y’all:
- FEBRUARY – The month I promised to be there for the younger ones, no matter what. No matter if my heart was shattered, no matter if I went through hardships. I was determined to level up with my service because I was beyond grateful for all the blessings.
- APRIL – The month I let go of the past and embraced the present. It was one of the toughest decisions yet because I had to accept the facts and let go of them in order to protect my heart. I had to put myself first because I owed it to myself after all these years. I had to be me.
- MARCH – The month I decided to always choose myself. It may sound selfish, but at that point, I had no choice. My heart was more important and it could only be guided by me. I learned. Because I wanted to give more of my heart, I needed it to be healed and safe. Not only God was the holder of my heart but also me.
- MAY – The month when God truly allowed me to be his instrument by practising to be an Ate to other Brothers and Sisters rather only to my own siblings. I have gained so much mutual respect, love and encouragement by just conversating with people and putting their needs before my own. He truly affirmed me about my service and my worth by just sending a certain person in my life who loves learning about life and God as much as I do.
- AUGUST – The month of affirmations. Sometimes God truly takes His time and His timing is always perfect. It was the month I felt more myself than ever. I was able to show a lot of people the real me and I got affirmed by the littlest things; that I’m an okay person who doesn’t have to adapt to everyone. I claimed myself and I felt strong.
- SEPTEMBER – The month I practiced integrity. Life comes with drawbacks and decisions you have to make. I really had to stick to what I have decided, which meant that I had to fully and wholeheartedly practise my fast because I entered the endspurt of it. There was no time for excuses, settling and weakness. The heaviness of my heart was deeply felt but I knew I had to pull through because I made Him a promise. Even though other things burdened and disturbed me deeply, I learned how to pray for people and to be there for them through prayers. I learned to let God control and straighten things out.
- NOVEMBER – The month I felt His grace for the first time. My fast ended and the Lord has truly rewarded my with his grace. The MV Reco in Rome was just another affirmation that God truly is in control and that anything is impossible with (and only with) Him. My old self was left behind and I could truly start being my new self.
- DECEMBER – The month of ‘yes, I deserve this, nothing less’. Yes, I managed to finally accept only the things that I deserve in my eyes. I no longer compromise myself and my values. Yet, it always was the month of stress and restlessness. I am allowed to slow down a bit and not to stress over things too much.
It has been a hella challenging year and with every heartbreaking hardship, I grew. That’s what I’m most thankful for. Thanks Lord, for always having my back. I am excited and curious what this new year holds for me. Prayers up for everything I am hoping for.
What are the most memorable moments of your 2015 that made a huge impact in your life?
What are your hopes and aspirations for the upcoming year?
Yours candidly, Ezzy.
P.S. twenty-sixteen aint gon’ be that new year, new me BS, cause it has started long before.