hereby I want to present to you, my monthly favorites!
hereby I want to present to you, my monthly favorites!
clearly, I am writing this in my naive state because whatever I might say now, may or may not happen this year BUT we’d like to stay positive.
The year has actually started quite promising. While watching the fireworks out of my sister’s bedroom window, I felt hopeful. I think I have let go a lot of BS in the last weeks of 2016 which pretty much lead me to feeling refreshed and restarted. I have planned quite a bit for this year though I can already see the anxiety creeping up on me, therefore my mind has gone back and forth figuring out whether some of the plans are realistic or not. But since I do not want this first blog post of the year to be listing down all my hopes and dreams for 2017, I figured, in order to stay sane in the whirlwind called life, I’d rather dot down some of my #NoteToSelfs to remind myself that there are more important things, such as, building character and growth. DARUM, I’d like to share these followings with y’alls by starting off with:
I’d like to share my milestones and the people that have guided me through last year with you. To the people who have made the last year great, you all know who you are and I love you.
CAUTION: this post contains 100% bluntness and honesty.
Twenty-fifteen was a year that felt like a longass (excuse my language) marathon! Nevertheless, I knew I needed it: the ups, the downs, the challenges, the successes, the hurts, the love as well as the losses and the blessings. Even though the year started off very tough and emotionally challenging, I wouldn’t change it for anything because it has truly made me stronger. There were a lot of times where I had to put all my energy into fighting off my flaws through accepting and understanding. There were dozens of moments where I had to humble myself and truly remind myself that the world doesn’t revolve around me. And the moments which I am most grateful for are the ones when I started to learn to value myself more. And learned that I truly matter and therefore must not settle for anything less than I deserve. It’s been a hurtful experience stripping everything off and letting go of things that held me back from genuinely being my Self, but just looking back, it was worth the pain and the tears. There were a few moments this year, that made twenty-fifteen immensely memorable to me, and I’d like to share them with y’all:
Photo Credits: taken from Pinterest
Currently sitting on my bed with my leoprinted snuggie under my butt and my fairy lights above me that I have just put up again after I used them for the Acoustic Night – hah. We’ve opened up our doors to the summer season which also means that finals week is coming closer and closer. I, for my part, am in #studyranger mode, however, a huge urge inside of me stirred up making me write something again – dang you, pinterest.
Yes, I have indeed put my writing on a hold for a very long time. Yes, I have a very good reason for that. AND yes, I will share – duh.
A book that I’ve grown to love is the book ‘I Am That Girl’ by Alexis Jones. It’s pretty much gotten a book that means a lot to me because I know that it will always get me back on the right track.
It’s neither a fiction nor a non-fiction. It’s more of a self-help book but it’s not written for hopeless cases. It is more of a book that lifts you up, remembers that you matter and that you can reach all your goals and dreams. What I loved about this book was that it had a lot of little ‘sharings’ to different topics and life stages. It makes the reader hope for something big. Sometimes when I feel down or need a piece of advice from someone with an objective view, I find myself reading passages I’ve highlighted. They are great reminders about my visions, my plans and my goals. If you get a chance, grab the book and read it. I can only recommend it.
Friendships are something that I really treasure a lot. It’s one of these gifts that come close to family and for everyone who know me – I’m big on families. I’ve always had hard times finding friends and really keeping that friendship alive. My mum always told me that friends come and go and I never wanted to believe that. But sadly, in real life that’s what just happens. However, God has really blessed me with the most inspiring people who I am proud to call my closest friends.
This is a hard one, considering the fact I just have too many favourite television programs. But let me tell you this, I am a sucker for Reality TV. Always have since the MTV Diary-Series or has it been it ever since ‘Making The Band’? Well, never mind, just know that I like me some Kourtney, Kim and Khloe as well!
I don’t know if you can relate but like the old Reality Shows that showed on MTV back then were abso-freaking-lutely the real deal! So entertaining and addictive. I think I spent most of my loner teenage years in my room watching those type of programs. Of course, I also loved me some ‘Full House’ or ‘Fresh Prince’ but as soon as they found their ending, I compensated them with ‘Making the Band’ – O-Town Edition AND, not to forget, Diddy’s ‘Making the Band’. Gash, so much drama and that in every season. Remember when Mysterious lost her mind because she didn’t get in Da Band? That was some crazy situation. Or that time when Ikaika left O-Town because he was all crybaby? Those were the days – no pun intended – literally, where Ashley Angel was still the love of my life.
I thought being yourself in a relationship means, you can let yourself fall into the extremes of your worst-self and he will be there to catch you. Is that the case? Nah, and it never will be.
I always loved the romantic idea of someone saving me. Mostly, the idea of someone saving me from myself. But I have learned that no one can and will save me from myself or save me at all for the least because in real life, people cannot save you from being you and they most certainly cannot save you from your fears, weaknesses and shortcomings. I guess, the ‘saving’ in real life does not describe how your sig-oths keep on nodding their heads empathetically and giving you all the understanding you need. I guess, the ‘real’ saving in our reality is when someone calls you out for acting up, when they are brutally honest to you because they truly want the best for you and living in self-pity and self-doubt is not part of it. Their assignment isn’t being the sunshine in your forever cloudy days because you want them to be that. Their purpose in your life should be more about challenging you to be the best version of yourself and believe me, you should want that too. And I honestly always refused to let people challenge me in that way because I knew my strengths and my weaknesses and I didn’t need people to point it out for me. Most especially from someone who should know me and love me for who I am. And… look where that lead me *lol*.
Maybe ‘real’ saving starts with being selfless. The pain you encounter from the rejection for your selfish needs can be transformed into pain that strips you down from your walls and your pride. That kind of pain is what all of us need to encounter some day because it is that pain where He works in us. And who said that people can save you? Who said that relationships are no relationships when people don’t save one another?
Maybe ‘real’ saving starts when you admit that sometimes the blame isn’t on someone else, but you. Maybe ‘real’ saving starts with you.
But let me give you this advice: the most loving remedy for being selfish about your needs and wants and for having the urge to be saved is… love. Love in a selfless kind of way because you are saved by being someone who saves.
I used to hate studying at home because all sorts of distractions tempted me just to not be productive. However, I’ve been let down by most of the libraries in the last couple of weeks because it was packed everywhere. Therefore, I had to learn to study at home and I’ve learned to love it. I can be in my pjs the whole day, don’t have to pay to eat and I can take powernaps when my brain just can’t absorb any more information. I hope you are all doing fine with studying. Hang in there my fellow studyrangers. Semesterbreak is real near.